Surviving Evil...my story

Last night I watched Investigation Discovery's new show, Surviving Evil. It is a show about women who have come face-to-face with evil and somehow survived. The show's host, Charisma Carpenter, told her story last night. She and her friends were attacked by a serial rapist who turned out to be a local policeman. Aside from the fact that it was just harrowing story, it reminded me of my experience with a good cop gone bad.

It was Halloween night 2009. It was a unique day because Halloween actually fell on a Saturday and that night it was also "fall back" Daylight Savings Time. I had worked that morning at Food Lion as a cashier. While at work a fellow cashier collapsed during her shift. I was a fairly new employee at the time so when the manager told me I would be covering the girl's shift for the next day I just accepted, even though I had other plans. I was going to be celebrating Halloween with my friends in Virginia Beach, about an hour and a half from my house. The original plan was for me to stay the night there and come home the next day. With the change in my work schedule I made a decision to drive home that same night. With the extra hour of time on my side I figured it would work out fine.

The drive over was uneventful. Upon arriving to the house party I had two Mike's Hard Lemonades and stopped drinking at 8pm. I had a fun night. I left to head home at 3am (really 4am, so 6 hours after I had stopped drinking) to drive home. I was a new driver at the time. Only having had my license for a few months. I got confused and turned around in the dark in the downtown Norfolk area. I was looking for the tunnel that would put me on the right road home.

I was vaguely aware there was another car on the road. I honestly couldn't tell you if I noticed anything about the car just that I occasionally looked in my rear view mirror and saw headlights. It was Halloween, it was nothing unusual for other cars to be on the road at that time of night on any given day. After some searching I was able to find the tunnel and felt confident that the remainder of the drive would be smooth sailing. Again, there were headlights following me, but at the time I had no idea what that would mean for me. I wasn't being followed closely and I was on a main interstate.

I had my music turned up and driving about 5 miles over the speed limit. Having driven that stretch of highway multiple times since then I know that I did nothing out of the ordinary. In fact, most people would probably attest that I was driving slower than the norm. The only thing I did wrong that night was be a single woman in the wrong place at the wrong time. I took a curve in the road wider than necessary and crossed the center line. I was cognitive of this, but the only other car on the road was behind me a decent distance so I wasn't endangering anyone. About two miles further down the road I saw red and blue lights flashing in my rear view mirror.

I pulled to the side of the road and waited for the policeman to appear at my door. A million different things were going through my mind: I had been speeding, but barely. I had been drinking, but had stopped hours ago. But the main thing on my mind was how incredibly unobservant I had been. How had I not realized the car that had been following me for the better part of 15-20 miles had been a police car?

I had my license and registration in hand when the officer arrived at my passenger door. Perhaps I hadn't watched enough police television shows or it was my lack of experience as this was my first traffic offense in my short driving life. The next thing that surprised me was that this "officer" was not in uniform. He was dressed in civilian clothes. The first thing he said was "You should always ask to see a badge when you get pulled over." He proceeded to show me a shiny badge. Again, lack of experience but I had no idea what I was looking at. I nodded my head to acknowledge the badge and passed my license and registration. He asked if I had been drinking that night, I admitted that I had but had stopped hours ago. He walked back to his car to run my license and plates.

The biggest concern on my mind at that time was my mom. I had sent her a text to tell her I was headed home and would talk to her in about an hour. She was 3,000 miles away in another state, but we always kept one another abreast of our plans. Still do. I was so worried that she was sitting home panicking...which as it turned out, she was. I wanted to send her a text to tell her I had been pulled over but figured that would only cause her to worry more.

The "officer" returned to my vehicle, this time on the driver's side...again taking me completely by surprise. He still had my license and registration, but had yet to hand them over to me. He had been gone for a decent amount of time. I would guess 7-10 minutes. Again, lack of experience but I was certain that was a very long time to run a check. Especially on a truck that was nearly new and a driver who had only been licensed for a few months. He proceeded to tell me that he had called highway patrol and they would not tow my car, but he couldn't in "good faith" allow me to continue driving home, another 40 miles down the road. I asked for a breathalyzer knowing I would pass, but he made an excuse about it being a busy night and he wasn't able to call another officer.

Before I go on, I feel the need to defend my actions. You never know how you will react when you feel threatened. It is easy to judge and say "oh you should have done ___" but the fact of the matter is that, you have no idea. Your brain is trying to process the situation while a million thoughts are screaming to be heard, your heart is racing, your hands are shaking, and you just go through the motions. I don't remember consciously making a decision one way or another. I went into auto pilot and tried to be as compliant as possible. Also, my grandpa was a retired state policeman. I was raised to believe that policemen were good and helpful.

The "officer" told me to move my vehicle further onto the shoulder, which is something that really struck me later on. Clearly if I was intoxicated as he indicated, he couldn't possibly think putting me back behind the wheel of my vehicle was a good idea. I did as I was told. He then told me to get into his vehicle and he would drive me to a location where a friend could come pick me up. He already knew that my husband was out to sea with the Navy as the vehicle was registered in his name, he also knew I had just left a party where I had been with friends. I think he was counting on the fact that I didn't have anyone to call.

I collected my purse and keys, then it hit me. I was not dressed to be out. That night I had been dressed as a Go-Go Girl. I had worn yellow booty shorts underneath. For the drive home I was only wearing those shorts and a University of Idaho sweatshirt, again indicating I was very likely far from my family. As I climbed out of my vehicle he made a comment that it was a chilly night for such an outfit. I remember saying over and over "I understand" to most anything he said. At one point he got mad and said "I don't need you to understand!"

As I climbed into his vehicle I was very aware of the non-police cruiser. The red and blue lights I had seen in my rear view mirror were that of a dash light. There was a small handheld radio, but nothing wired in the vehicle. The vehicle was an older maroon sedan. That was when it really struck me, I was in a very dangerous situation...one that I may not survive.

He drove us to a gas station on Highway 58 and backed into the spot facing away from the building. He instructed that I call a friend to come pick me up. By the grace of God I was able to get in contact with my husband's coworker's pregnant wife. She said she would come pick me up. I knew I was in trouble because we were on a different highway than the one that we drove to our houses. We both lived outside the city limits and accessed our houses via a parallel highway. I was afraid to tell her this on the phone because I didn't want the "officer" to have any more information on my habits.

My friend had a 45-60 minute drive ahead of her. At this point I went into survival mode. I remember watching a daytime talk show about a girl who had been abducted who constantly talked about herself and her family to her abductor, making herself a real person in his mind not just another girl on the street. I did the same. I talked about everything! My family, various jobs, my dog...anything I could think of to help pass the time and keep him focused on the conversation and not whatever he had had in mind when he started following my vehicle earlier that evening.

Finally I received a call from my friend. She couldn't find us. Just as I expected. The "officer" was getting irritable and had me tell her to take a nearby exit and some further instructions on where she could meet us. I realized the directions I had passed along to her were not directions to the gas station where we were presently parked, but rather an industrial park that was certainly empty at that time of night on a weekend.

As he put the car in drive he made a comment about me not being intoxicated at all, which I wasn't. But then went on to say that no good deed goes unpunished. I was unsure then, and still am now, about who had done or was to do the deed. He stayed off the highway and took side roads to the industrial park, about 13 miles down the road. He wouldn't speak to me and I was running out of things to say. I kept my eyes forward and thought about all I had to lose, and whether or not I was ever going to get away from him.

At last, I saw headlights coming towards us. When I recognized my friend I all but threw myself out of his vehicle. As I was rounding his vehicle, he called my name. I reluctantly turned back towards him. He was holding a business card out the window, and said "If you think I did anything wrong tonight. Feel free to contact my supervisor."

I ran to my friend's car and climbed in as fast as I could. I thanked her profusely, knowing she had likely saved my life. I immediately called my mom to tell her what had occurred. God bless my friend, she exited the highway and flipped around to go back and get my truck. She instructed me to tailgate her home just to be certain he wasn't on the lookout for me.

I made it home unscathed, but that night could have ended so much worse. I could feel the "officer's" evil intentions. He was not looking to do a 'good faith' deed. That night I didn't sleep at all. Nor was I very efficient at my job the next morning. The "officer" knew where I worked. I looked up at every white male that walked through the doors just knowing it was going to be him. I told my boss what had occurred if ever he did come into the store. I remember crying whenever I was alone and feeling completely unsafe no matter where I was.

I will forever be in debt to my friend. I say by the grace of God I was able to contact her because just days after she came to my rescue she changed all their phone numbers.

With help and support my from step-dad in Connecticut, I did contact the "officer's" supervisor. The "officer" had told his supervisor that I had crossed or touched the center line some twenty times. If that was the case he should have pulled me over long before he did. As it turns out he was not a police officer at all, rather a drug and alcohol counselor for teens. His supervisor was very apologetic and said he would support me if I wanted to take the case to court. Since I was unharmed I chose not to face him, but rather to have a letter put in his file in the case that he ever tried to detain another solo woman again.

That stretch of highway is pretty desolate, with just some junkyards, industrial parks, a swamp, and a private airport. I absolutely believe he knew what he was doing and targeted me. I am all too aware of what could have happened. I am so thankful it didn't. There are days I forget it ever happened, then there are times when it hits me like a sack of bricks.

Take it from me, if you are ever pulled over you have the right to call 911 and verify that the officer pulling you over truly is an officer. You always have the right to stay in your car with the doors locked until another officer arrives. And you should absolutely turn on your flashers and drive to a well lit area before engaging with the officer. Protect yourselves because you truly just never know.

Here's to therapy, surgery, and surving it all!

If you follow my blog you know that Tucker was tongue tied at birth and had an anterior revision. As time went on I began to develop suspicions that he was also suffered from a posterior tongue tie. Last week he saw a pediatric ENT who confirmed my suspicions. He ordered a feeding evaluation to determine which parts of Tucker's tongue/mouth/throat were working properly and those which were not. Yesterday we went to visit the SLP who discovered additional issues, including a weak jaw (possibly related to his brachycephaly,) weak bite, lack of lateral tongue movements, lack of tongue muscle definition, raw throat (from swallowing food whole,) and possible aspiration of food. She has ordered 6 months of feeding/swallowing therapy to develop the muscles in his tongue 3 times a week. At 2 months into the therapy Tucker will be reevaluated by the ENT to schedule a posterior tongue tie revision. Then continue the remaining 4 months of therapy to learn how to use his freed tongue.

This was very overwhelming news to process. No one wants their child to have something wrong. The therapist assured me that I had done everything right by what I was feeding him, how I was feeding him, and recognizing there was a problem. Of course, that was nice to hear, but at the same time hearing something is wrong with your child is a tough blow. She encouraged me to continue offering him a wide variety of foods and textures, as I have been, but to change the way in which it is presented to him. From now on he is only allowed to have pieces of food that are safe to be swallowed whole. So while he can continue to eat peaches, pineapple, okra, carrots, lima beans, etc they need to be diced to about the size of a grain of rice. His food needs to be presented in different locations on his tongue. He is no longer allowed to spoon feed himself as he slurps rather than eats, so now I need to spoon feed him putting direct downward and backward pressure on to his tongue. My biggest obstacle is going to be getting past my fear of gagging him. The therapist assured me that gagging is good and choking is bad, unfortunately I have a fear of doing either.

<Warning a slight bit of negativity>
Last night I really struggled with the "why me?" and "why my baby?" questions. Between his helmet therapy and this new therapy, I will be traveling 300-400 miles a week. Even though I was told that none of these problems could be avoided and it was nothing I have done wrong, it felt like a sucker punch to the gut.
<End negativity>

I will tackle these new issues head on and I vow to do all the at-home exercises as directed. I know that there is nothing better than early intervention so I will tackle this with the same positive attitude I did when he began his helmet therapy.

Thankfully there are positives in all of this, Nick and I have the insurance and resources to address and resolve the issues. Due to the postponing of surgery there is a better chance that Nick will be home to endure it all with me. Also, because of the therapy his tongue will be stronger and he will learn to speak properly the first time around rather than having to relearn things later on.

<Here comes the bragging>
Tucker was such a good boy at the therapist yesterday. I was so proud. He had already had a screwy day because we had gotten up early to drop my Mama off at the airport and he only had one nap. The therapist told me to just allow Tucker to get familiar with the room. I set him down and he walked right over to the high chair like he knew exactly what he was supposed to do. He allowed her to put different tools and foods in his mouth and was a perfect gentleman the whole time. When he was finished eating and it was time for her and I to discuss things he played quietly with the toys in her office. I was one proud mama! This morning he did very well with the exercises during breakfast.

<More bragging, change of subject>
Tucker's potty training is going fantastic. He is the smartest little boy I know. Last week after we had been to the zoo and he had been tortured (twice!) at the ENT's office, when we arrived home he walked right back to his potty and sat down. Then the next morning he peed, as he usually does in the morning, but then he continued to sit there and did all of his business. Diapers are quickly becoming a thing of the past. On a few occasions I have taken him on errands and he has remained dry. He definitely understands the process and has taken to it so well. I am very proud! Since we started potty training less than 2 months ago he has peed successfully in the potty 88 times and pooped 21 times.



<End bragging>

PS Sometimes I wonder if I am becoming too salty, perhaps maybe I am on my way to being cured like a country ham? LOL :)